Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
