There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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