Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
