Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
