So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.