why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here