One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we're making bets on your personal life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.