i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems