He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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