all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch