I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?