Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..