do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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