I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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