if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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