I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
