Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He shit in the fireplace
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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