how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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