Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
