Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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