I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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