If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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