I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
