I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
