The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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