So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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