a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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