You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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