I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there was a trapeze. enough said
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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