I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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