he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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