i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
