I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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