my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
