I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
