erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize