Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
