The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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