oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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