My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
