i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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