Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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