Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
