I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
