my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
