I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
