Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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