If that was your dad, he is hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
