Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
