Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
