I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
