i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
