she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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