I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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