Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
