No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
