be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
