Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
