so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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