why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
