Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
