Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
