like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
