I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
