Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
