my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
