What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
