I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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