I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
