i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
