How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
