I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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