Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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