I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...so i touched it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
