speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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