I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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