Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
