My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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