Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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