Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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