you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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