The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
