I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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