i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
