you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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